The Marvelous Misadventures of Minato
by Axel Vyper
Summary: Between a nun wannabe,a potentional murder, and a convict child how can Minato possibly save the world? Lots of OOCness. The ratingmay go up.
1. Weclome to Iwatodai

Me: Yeah P3 doesn't belong to us. Oh yeah this is gonna be really crackish and everyone is probably gonna be OOC so bear with me.

Chapter 1: Welcome to Iwatodai

Carrying an uncomfortably large bag while walking through the streets, Minato Arisato was looking around for the train station. Even though he could have just asked for directions, he instead decided to follow a map that said "You are here", even though he wasn't anywhere near "here". Finally after nearly two hours of walking in circles he got to the train station and boarded the train to Iwatodai.

Despite his headphones blaring he still managed to hear the surprisingly fruity train conductor say, "We are now arriving at the fabulous Iwatodai Station. Some of the amazing landmarks here are O' Brian's, Poker's Pizza Parlor, Lasagna Hut, and let's not forget the simply fabulous rave parties at Club Escapade."

_Dear god this guy is gay_, thought Minato as he stared out the window. Just as he was about to move toward one of the available seats, he saw a strange glowing neon blue…butterfly out the window. _Oh my god the radiation here must be horrible. _thought Minato again.

Finally after the conductor pulled the train to a stop, Minato got out of the train and looked at the conviently placed clock, which seemed to have the fasted moving minute hand in the history of the blood. The second the clock struck midnight, all the lights went out and everything glowed an eerie neon green color. To add on to the image blood and glowing coffins were everywhere. To Minato, the blood on the streets was nothing new but the radioactive coffins was something new.

"Holy shit, I better call Julius Belmont so he can kill all these vampires. Or I can just keep walking and staring at my "Welcome to Iwatodi, You're Going to Gekkoukan High School" pamphlet." Said Minato. "Yeah I'll go with the second. All the vampires probably lost all their powers… and their hair from the radiation anyway." He continued.

After walking two and half miles, he made it to his dorm. It was ugly, most run down shack that he had ever laid eyes on. _This year's gonna suck, I can feel it._ He thought walking in.

"Hello there. I've been waiting for you." Said a mysterious boy with a prison uniform on.

"Great, I'm stuck dorming with convicts again. That's why I left my old school you know." Said Minato.

"Um…Okay? Anyway…" said the boy directing his hand toward the front desk, making a small red booklet appear. With another flick of the hand the red booklet opened revealing the word "contract" on it. "Please sign this contract; all it says is that you will accept responsibility for actions, the usual stuff."

Minato quickly read the contract and it said, "With this I sell my body and soul to unknown and possibly hostile men."

"Oh wait wrong contract." said the boy quickly taking the one Minato was reading and replaced it with one that said "I chooseth this fate my own free will."

"Okay so it's just that usual dorm junk saying I won't break the furniture?" said Minato. "Sure I'll sign." Quickly he scrawled his disgusting signature on the paper.

"Good. You can't plug your eyes…I mean plug your ears and cover your eyes since time delivers us all to the same end." Said the now getting really creepy boy as he picked up the contract and then vanished into the dark abyss that apparently covered the dorm right now.

He was about to go call someone when a psycho girl jumped out of the same abyss that the boy had just vanished into. _Apparently everyone crawls out of the woodwork when its neon green out side._ thought Minato staring at the girl who jumped out.

"Who's there?!" shouted the girl poorly hiding herself. Minato was about to say that he was moving in but then she pulled a gun off the side of her leg. She was in the middle of raising it when another freak crawled out of the woodwork.

"Takeba stop." said a red haired Mother Teresa wannabe. Just then like her words were the magic words, the power came back on. Right after the brown haired chick with her put away the gun she just pulled.

"Who's he?" questioned the brown haired chick.

"New kid. More like a lost lamb who was misplaced in the dorm placement system." said the Mother Teresa wannabe. "You're Minato Arisato, right? I'm Mitsuru Kirijo. This here is Yukari Takeba, she's going to junior this year like you." Said Mitsuru.

"Hey." Said Yukari.

"Hey why were you packing heat anyway?" asked Minato, kind of worry that he was rooming with a potential murderer.

"Well um…it's not really a gun?" said Yukari trying to sound convincing but failing miserably.

"It's for protection, my child. You know how it is these days. Besides its not real." Explained Mitsuru, lying through her teeth. "You must be tired. Yukari bring him to his room."

"Okay." said Yukari. Yukari led him to a room all the way at the end of the second floor.

"Yeah don't lose your key or you'll be on the shit list forever." Explained Yukari, "Any questions?"

"Yeah where's that kid who did the magic trick at the door?" asked Minato.

"What are you talking about?" asked Yukari in a really strange voice. _Oh no I think he's totally psycho_ thought Yukari.

"Never mind…" said Minato slowly. "Goodnight."

"Yeah, goodnight." Said Yukari walking off.

When Minato went into his room, the floor was covered with tons of Sparkie wrappers and Pidgin chocolate wrappers, which all looked to be about at least two or three years old.

"Eww…" said Minato as he walked in. After about an hour of cleaning up he finally hoped into bed. About twenty minutes later he heard something stomping up the stairs. Minato was almost sure that the vibrations he was feelings from the stomping could be measured on the Richter Scale. Minato decided to see what disgustingly fat person lived on his floor. When he looked out he saw a guy who was no more than like 120 lbs. tops. Deciding that he was probably feeling things from exhaustion. Lying down in his bed again, he thought, _Yeah this is gonna be a shitty year._

TBC

A/N:

O'Brian's is the equivalent of McDonald's

Poker's Pizza Parlor is the equivalent of Dominos

Lasagna Hut is the equivalent of Pizza/Pasta Hut

Sparkies is the equivalent of Twinkies

Pidgin Chocolate is the equivalent of Dove Chocolate

There will be a longer chapter next time.


	2. Gekkoukan High School

Me: Persona 3 doesn't belong to me. Once again all the characters are really OOC, so bear with me.

Chapter 2: Gekkoukan High School

After the highly eventful night before, Minato finally had to go to school. To Minato, he had nno idea as to why he decided to go to Gekkoukan considering all it had was a famous founder and a boxing team. The grades weren't that good, last he check the lowest score was a -6 on a test that was only from a 0 to 100. Other than one student, no one ever got more than a 70. So even though there was no point in changing schools at this point, Minato was beginning to have second thoughts about going to this school.

He was ripped from his inner thoughts when he heard a familiar voice, which said, "Hey are you awake? Mitsuru-senpai asked me to take you to school." Minato should have only had two choices in front. The first was to ignore her and the second was to answer her. But Minato just remembered that the owner of the voice outside his room currently had pointed a gun at him the night earlier.

So instead of doing the logical thing, he decided to shout, "This room's unoccupied!" and then proceeded to dive out the second floor window. Normally this would have at least injured the person doing these kinds of stunts, but since Minato is the main character, the laws of physics don't apply. Minato conveniently landed on a lunch truck that was conveniently heading toward Gekkoukan. Yukari on the other hand could not perform such stunts, so she was forced to take a bus to the train station, then a train, then another bus all the way to school. By some off miracle, Minato rolled off the truck and landed next to Yukari as she was walking in.

"Well now that you're here I might as well give you the tour now." Said Yukari with irritation in her voice. The tour only went from the gate to the front door. "Well any questions?" asked Yukari as if she actually told him something.

"Yeah, can you run that all by me again, I think I missed all the important parts." Said Minato pretty irritated.

"Ugh…Sure. Look," she said as she pointed out the door to several ugly arrangements of shrubs. "Those there are the only plant life that exist on the school's campus. These things in front of us are doors. We use these to get in and out of the building by pushing or pulling them." She then finished with this look of satisfaction on her face as if she actually gave him some important information. "Oh yeah," Yukari said in a much more serious tone, "don't tell anyone about last night okay?"

"Alright." Said Minato already tired of seeing Yukari. For all he knew she could have still been packing heat. Although Yukari didn't give him much to go on he figured the first place he should have to go to is the faculty office. As soon as he found his way there, he entered the room to find a woman with a pretty funky hair style, which resembled Yukari's hair style in a cosmic sort of way. Using all the brains he was endowed with he decided against his better judgment to say, "Hey there Mrs. Takeba. I didn't know Yukari's mom taught here."

"Um you must be the new student right? Well My name's Ms. Toriumi and I'm your homeroom teacher as well as your composition teacher." she explained, clarifying to some extent that she wasn't Yukari's mother. "So you must be Minato Arisato, correct? Well let's see," said Ms. Toriumi as she opened a folder, "Oh my you have lived in so many different places. Well lets see in 1999, giga gasp, your parents! I'm sorry I was so busy I didn't have time to read this." Minato had no idea as to what to say about this teacher. It wasn't that she was incompetent, he couldn't tell that anyway from all that, but more like horribly disorganized. Just as he was about to elaborate more on his thoughts Ms. Toriumi spoke again, "Well let's get you to the assembly." Without another word being said Minato was led to the auditorium.

Minato figured that the assembly was something that happened every year beaus for starters, more than half the people were sleeping through it and others looked like there were in la-la land. He walked over to an available seat which was conveniently in front of a student that somehow saw him walking to school with Yukari even though he rode the lunch truck almost all the way.

"Hey." said gossiping student #1 as he jabbed his finger into Minato's shoulder several times. "Didn't you come to school with Yukari Takeba this morning?" he continued as he continued to jab his finger into Minato's shoulder.

"If I say yes will that make you stop jabbing me?" asked Minato as he felt a sharp pain in his shoulder.

"Fine," the gossiping student said as he stopped poking, "Do you know if she has a boyfriend?"

"No, I only-" Minato began before he was cut off by the other student.

"Oh, I wonder why." Said the other student as he pondered really loudly. As this scene was playing out the principle of the school was in the middle of an extremely long speech about how certain quotes apply to student life.

Unfortunately for Minato the other student's loud pondering caused a fairly old looking male teacher to get up and say, "I hear talking. I think it's from Ms. Toriumi's class." pointing his finger in Mianto's class' general direction.

Then he heard his teacher say, "Shh. You're going to get me in trouble."

After the assembly was finally over, Minato was left to find his homeroom. He knew what class he was in, 2-F, but he didn't know where the room was. Using the better part of thirty minutes, Minato finally located his class room. Luckily for him though, classes had not started for some reason or another. Just as he was about to get settled into his seat, a kid who was obviously violating the dress code walked over to him. The guy had no visible hair and he wore an ugly blue baseball hat. His uniform also looked like he was trying to look cool in a uniform school.

"Hey dude 'sup?" Said the guy who had just walked up to him.

Minato being the intelligent individual that he was decided that he didn't want to be bullied like he was a few years ago in one of his old schools. He replied, "What do you want?" as tough as he could muster, and that wasn't very tough sounding.

"Hey, I just wanted to say hi. By the way the name's Junpei Iori. I hear you came to school with Yukari this morning. Believe it or not she's pretty popular." said Junpei as he went on and on even though Minato stopped listening at the word Yukari.

"Um yeah…I'll tell you the information in order okay?" said Minato as he glanced to Junpei who just nodded that he understood that much. "I'm Minato Arisato, sort of and yeah I do."

Just as Minato finished answering he heard a voice that sent chills down his spine and he almost broke into a cold sweat too. The voice said, "Junpei can't you tell when a person doesn't want to hear you speak." The owner of the voice happened to belong to Yukari. "Oh hey, I guess were in the same class. Pretty funny huh?" speaking to him as if nothing happened the night before.

"Yeah hilarious…" said Minato.

"Hey you didn't tell anyone about last night did you?" asked Yukari making sure she spoke loud enough for the whole school to hear.

"WHOA… Last night! What did you guys do LAST NIGHT?" said Junpei at the same volume that Yukari did.

"What!? Nothing I just met him yesterday." Explained Yukari kind of frantically.

"Yeah Junpei we did nothing. Yukari just pointed a "toy" gun at me and Mother Kirijo saved my ass, and there was this creepy convict at the sign in desk." Explained Minato indifferently as he put his head on the desk to go to sleep.

"WHAT!? That did not happen!" yelled Yukari trying to find some argument.

"Umm…Yuka-tan, yeah I'm going to sit down at my desk now." Said Junpei nervously, sweating a little.

Yukari then stormed out of the room. Minato decided to ignore her for the moment and get some much needed sleep.

Finally after several more hours of school Minato was forced to go find his way back to the dorm alone. After several more hours Minato finally made it home. When he opened and lo and behold it was Yukari talking to… her father? Instead of helping him get home.

"Hi Mr. Takeba, it's nice to meet you." Said Minato to a man in his mid- thirties, early forties. He had brown hair just like Yukari ergo this is Yukari's father.

"WHAT! THIS IS NOT MY FATHER!" said Yukari. The second she said this, she got up and left the lobby and went up stairs.

"Well for starters my name is Shuji Ikutski. Heheh…Ikutski that's a hard name to say isn't it. I even get a bit tongue tied myself. By the way did I mention that I am the Chairmen of the school so anything you say to me can and mostly will affect your grades most likely negatively." Ikutski rambled off for a couple of minutes, all the while doing a very…interesting hand flip. "Well do have any questions you'd like to ask me?"

"I know this may come back and bite me in the ass but I spy something that begins with the letter G-A-Y and ends with the word chairman of the school." Said Minato

"How did you know about my significant other, Gary?" asked the chairman.

Minato stood there in shock but somewhere in the back of his mind told him that it was obvious. "Well, um yeah, so who else lives in the dorm? And where does the convict kid sleep?" said Minato quickly in an attempt to change the subject.

"Well as you know already Yukari and Mitsuru and a workaholic senior named Shinjiro Aragaki. And I don't recall him ever being in school or a day in the dorm either. Oh wait that's Akihiko who doesn't go to school. As for the convict I think that's Shinjiro too." Explained Ikutski clearly oblivious to all that happens in the world.

"Wait…Isn't this Shinjiro the workaholic?" asked Minato now confused. Luckily for Minato, Mother Kirijo came down the stairs.

"Oh Ikutski-san what's going on?" asked Mother Kirijo.

"Well I'm telling young Minato here about the workaholic convict in the dorm, Shinjiro. You know the guy who sleeps under the sign in desk, you know the one with heart tattoo on his forehead that says Fuuka on it." Said Ikutski blissfully oblivious to what was even coming out of his mouth.

"Um… Mr. Chairman, Shinjiro hasn't lived in the dorm in for two years and he doesn't have a tattoo on his forehead. Only rats sleep under the sign in desk. Plus its Akihiko who lives in the dorm. Arisato lets go up stairs and I'll explain everything to you." Said Mother Kirijo.

"Ok I rather talk to a hot nun than a man with significant other named Gary." Said Minato as he followed her upstairs.

Once again after several more hours Minato finally had a grasp on everything and decided to go to bed. After sleeping for a little while he decided to get up to get a drink of water. He made his way to the kitchen. _Hey why is everything so green? Ahh! I'm scared of the dark the lights aren't turning on. _Thought Minato frantically.

"Oh wait I have my old flash light still." Said Minato as he ran back up to his room and got an old Puritan oil lantern. "Good thing my aunt and uncle or who ever they were took me to that Puritan Village with a "ye ole gift Shoppe"" said Minato to himself as he walked down the stairs again. Once again he made his way back to the kitchen and grabbed a glass, turned the faucet and the "water" came out.

"Ewww…This water looks like diarrhea and vomit had an iligimate child and this water is their offspring." Said Minato as he stared at disgusting sludge(1) in front of him. "Well bottoms up." He said as he gulped the whole thing down in one go. "Hey not bad. Although I think my kidneys just failed from all the waste that was in this water, it was pretty good."

With that he had couple of more glasses he went back to bed. Mitsuru and Yukari who were watching all this play out through the dorm cameras were a little more than disgusted. Ikutski on the other hand, was explaining the dark hour to two people who already knew what the dark hour was. He also proceeded to tell them that he thought he was trapped in the year 1973 for 10 years because he kept forgetting to change the year on his VCR. What that had to do with the dark hour was beyond both Yukari and Mitsuru's realm of comprehension.

Then for the next two days this schedule except for the greeting and what not repeated itself.

During the dark hour that day Mitsuru and Yukari continued their freakish spying on Minato, but that day was different. Mitsuru was about to tell Yukari that they should probably call it a night when Akihiko called her.

"Hey Mitsuru, you won't believe it. This thing is huge." Said Akihiko. During this small dialogue Mitsuru heard a person in the background, presumably Akihiko, being smashed into something.

"What is it Akihiko? Did you pick up the pizza yet? It's that big?" asked Mitsuru clearly unconcerned to what was smashed in the background.

"Oww… my ribs…What are you talking about?" moaned Akihiko apparently in some kind of pain, but his caller ID picture was still smiling, therefore Mitsuru didn't care whether he was hurt or not.

"Akihiko you ordered Chinese food too? You must hungry tonight. Don't eat all those spicy BBQ ribs, especially if they come with soy sauce. I do love the soy sauce." Replied Mitsuru, once again indifferently. "I suppose we'll need to a little bit more money, to pay of course." Mitsuru continued.

Then another crash was heard.

"I almost back, so be ready." Akihiko said, sounding tired, and in pain.

"What!? We won't have the money in time!" Yukari shrieked.

With a couple of seconds the whole building shook, and a door slamming could be heard. Mitsuru and Yukari rushed down stair, cash in hand, to pay somebody. When they arrived at the door, they saw Akihiko slumped against the door, in some semblance of pain.

Then Mitsuru seemed to have noticed something. Because of this she said, "Akihiko, where's the pizza? And where is my ribs and soy sauce?"

"What pizza!? There's a shadow!" cried Akihiko. "My ribs are friggin broken and all you can think about is food. Jeez you're such a fat ass!"

"YOUR ribs are broken?! Where are my ribs? I don't care if you "broke" your spicy ribs, I want my ribs with soy sauce." Yelled Mitsuru snapping her fingers in a star, while bobbing her head in a circle. "Yukari go wake up Minato. We're going to beat Akihiko up until he spills where he put my ribs. Oh and go take care of the shadow."

"Right." Was all Yukari said as she ran up the stairs. Yukari got to the second floor in seconds flat and started banging on the door at the end of the hall. "HEY WAKE UP YOU LAZY BUM."

"What?" was all Minato had time to say before Yukari came barging into the room.

"Get up we need to go. Here take this, you might need it." Said Yukari handing Minato a short sword.

"Um…Hey Yukari where was this sword, before you handed it to me?" asked Minato having a sneaking fear of where the sword had been.

"In my back pocket! Where else?" Said Yukari leaving the room. Minato decided not to question how a skirt had a back pocket. They went down stairs and all they heard was "Goddammit Mitsuru, you didn't order anything, and just fight the shadow." That and a lot of shaking. With that Yukari grabbed Minato's hand and ran back up stairs. Just as Yukari was about to run down the hall and trap herself and Minato in a room when Mitsuru called.

"Yukari, change of plan go to the roof! Apparently its too big for Akihiko to get through the door!" said Mitsuru obviously still completely unaware of the situation. Yukari tried to inform Mitsuru that it was a shadow and not a delivery guy, but Mitsuru hung up before she could say anything.

With that Yukari figured an open roof was the perfect place to hide Minato from the shadow. She grabbed him by the arm and said, "Come on!" as she pulled him up the stairs. Although Yukari was trying to bring him to a safe place, all Minato could think of was the fact that Yukari had that "fake" gun again. As far as he was concerned, Yukari could have been bringing him to the roof to execute him. With this thought in mind Minato began to silently weep and try to pull away from Yukari's death grip.

Just as Minato was about to give up, they reached the roof and unfortunately for him, Yukari thought it was a great idea to lock the door behind them. Minato was quietly panicking, and sweating bullets. Minato was about to start crying and begging for his life when the whole building began to shake. Minato managed to look past his massive emo bang to see a multi-armed black thing with a blue mask that appeared to be it's head climb on the roof. Minato was about to call the black thing over for help, when Yukari started blathering on to him about his shadow or something along those lines.

Minato opened his mouth to call the thing over, but when it began to charge at them, he figured it heard his mental cry for help and was rushing over now to save him. As his "savior" approached, Yukari whipped out her "fake" gun and stuck it at her own head. At this Minato thought, _Well if you didn't try to kill me, my savior wouldn't have pushed you to commit suicide, since he is also a witness to your terrible crimes._ Just then, the "savior" almost chopped off Minato's leg. Somehow this startled Yukari so much that she threw gun into the air and like magic it landed near Minato's almost amputated leg.

"Holy shit! My leg! You threw that 'fake' gun at it!" shouted Minato at Yukari completely ignoring the fact that he was in more danger when his "savior" almost chopped off his leg. Minato then grabbed the gun and decided that he was going to blow Yukari's brains out with it. He didn't want to hint on to what he was about to do, so he slowly stood up. He was about to lift the gun when a strange kid appeared in a white light to him. It was the convict kid he saw at the front desk a couple of days earlier.

"So you're Shinjiro…Wait where's your Fuuka tattoo?" said Minato aloud. Yukari looked at where Minato was staring at and all she was the shadow, and she was pretty sure that the shadow's name wasn't Shinjiro.

"My name's not Shinjiro. Anyway go on, do what comes naturally, and shoot yourself." Said not Shinjiro.

"Well ok. If that will kill Yukari." Said Minato as he lifted up the gun and pointed it at his temple. Yukari was screaming something at his, but Minato didn't care, Yukari was going to die.

The minute he pulled the trigger, a blue glass in his head broke somehow in his head. Then when Minato looked up he saw strange, foreign, beautiful, and…backwater? figure appear before him. The figure was wearing a John Deere hat, a red and blue plaid shirt, beat up blue overalls, some fake timberland boots, and a banjo on his back.

Suddenly the creature began to speak to Minato in the strange language of Japanese, after thinking this Minato realized that he spoke Japanese himself. It said, "Ah am Orfeus(2). Ah am ya'll and ya'll am ah. From the bottum of yer mud harvest ah has arrived."

"Its…its-" Minato started.

"Hideous!" Akihiko shouted.

"Unholy!" Mitsuru screeched.

"Disgusting!" Yukari whispered.

"Gorgeous!" Ikutski cried.

"BEAUTIFUL!!" finished Minato.

TBC

A/N

Well sorry this took like half to make the second chapter, but for a while I lost motivation to write this, and kind of forgot about it.

Sludge:

Well I figured that since no electricity works during the dark hour, so no water filter or purifier would work, so the water would kind of be toxic sludge.

Orfeus:

I decided to portray Orpheus as hick. So the typo was intended.


End file.
